I hate it when I upset her, make her mad, or disappoint her. It makes me feel like a complete jerk. I hate that I’m making her deal with these things. I don’t want to put her through it, but they’ll just come up. I wish I can just spend the rest of the summer with her; everyday, every hour, every second. I want to be with her. I want her to know that I love her & that I’ll do whatever I can do to make things better & show her my heart & what it’s saying. “You are the only girl for me. I will always be there for you. I love you.”
I just want to hold my girlfriend forever & tell her that I’ll never leave her. I want her to know how much I love her & that nothing or no one can change that. I want her to know that even though I’ll be entering my first year of college this year, that everything will be how it is; that nothing will change drastically. And that in the end it won’t matter because once I graduate I’ll be fully accessible to her & her alone.
I love her so much. Not because she puts out or because she’s a great kisser, but because she genuinely cares for me & has a beautiful heart.
She’s the one who wants me to be the best I can be & live out my full potential. She’s the one who keeps me straight & walks alongside me as we both seek God. She’s the one who knows what to say to make me smile whenever things are going wrong. She’s the one who I can trust with anything. She is the woman who has my heart.
I went on an Open House with my girlfriend at my future college; Seton Hall University. If anyone else is going there message me ! But it was a great time. I love the entire school & I think the campus is beautiful. She loved it too. She just wasn’t too thrilled to hear that one building available for freshman to dorm in had co-ed floors… Oh well. Last thing, I hit a car trying to park -.- the parking spaces are mad small. What do you want me to do ? Haha
It’s been awhile since I’ve done one of these, but here goes…
So far the past few weeks has been extremely great for me. I’ve gotten my acceptance to Seton Hall University for the school of nursing. That was the most joyful letter that I have received because I want to become a nurse so badly. Both my parents are nurses & I feel that I would really thrive as a nurse as well. I shall be attending college there next fall & joining me will be my best friend, Dan Bulay.
This point in my life, my relationship with my girlfriend is at an all time high, in my opinion. There is no doubt in my mind that I can go to her for anything & everything. It all started in like March. We weren’t doing too hot. We had been arguing with each other constantly & weren’t as “lovey” as we were before. Things seemed to have changed & I began questioning whether or not she was thinking the same thing. As it turned out, she did. I wasn’t so sure up to what extent she had been thinking about it, but I was too afraid to ask in fear of what her response would be. Our moods fluctuated with the events occurring around us & I thought things would get better once my acceptance to Seton Hall rolled in. You see, she had been stressing out about what college I would attend next year because she’s a grade below me. So, like any wonderful girlfriend would, she kept getting worried that I’d go far away & even got frustrated/upset at me once I told her that I was most likely attending Richard Stockton down in south Jersey; a good 3 hours away. But once I got my acceptance to Seton Hall, I thought things would cool over & be alright. Wrong. We still argued about pointless things & we were both tired of each other. Yet, throughout all of it, I knew that we still loved each other. It was then that I realized what I had been doing. All of this had been my fault. We, both being Christians, put God before anything; even if that means before our loved ones. But I wasn’t doing so. I thought that I could solve things by myself & that I could figure this all out. Once again, I was wrong. Swallowing my pride, I did what everyone should do no matter if they’re in a relationship or not; pray to God. I began praying, asking Him what I needed to do in order to fix this, for His help within our relationship. I then knew that I had to be the man that He needed me to be in this relationship, & the man she needs for me to be in this world. It happened three days ago. I wasn’t feeling like myself still. But that’s when things changed. Out of the blue, I texted my baby during our daily conversation, interrupting the one at hand, to tell her how I felt. I told her that I need to spend more time with God. I need for us to put Him in the center of our relationship once more. I need for her to help me & nudge me whenever I’m slacking & forget to spend time with our Lord & Savior. Now, I don’t text her “Good morning” until I read my devotional at 5:45 in the morning & pray to Him asking for his protection & guidance throughout my day. I don’t begin our nightly phone calls without first reading my bible & taking time to ponder what His message is for me in the word. I don’t hang up the phone at night before one of us prays together. Now, I’d say our relationship is the strongest it’s ever been. And I’m so excited to see what it’ll be like in the future. I love you, babygirl <3
God is Good. Everything has started to look up for me. I’ve been keeping a steady schedule & getting back into the groove of things. I’ve been putting God first & everything else seems to just fall in place. I’ve even gotten word that I may be able to go to a missions trip this summer to Panama if I can raise enough money ! I’ve been talking to my great friend about it & she says that she’s super excited to go & I want to go with her ! We’ve been very good friends ever since we were little. I was glad that I got to speak with her today. Whenever we say hi, she always says that she’s “doing okay” . . But today she said she was good ! And that makes me happy. Also, I got to speak to my friend, Amanda, and she’s just adorable. She always brightens up my day because she loves hugs & I love hugs too.
Last but not least, my grand-father. Rodolfo Mazo Sr. He passed away on April 19, 2010. Sadly, that is the date of my birth as well. April 19, 1994. He is the most amazing person I have ever met. Such a strong man for God & an incredible husband & father to his family. I loved him so much. I hate the fact that he’s gone, but love the fact that I get to say every year on this date is the day when he’s celebrates his reunion with the Lord. I aspire to be just a fraction of the man he was. I cannot thank him enough for what he’s done. Because of him, my dad is the way he is & my father raised my brother & I to become the men that we are today. I love you so much, Papa Dolfo. May you continue to watch over us. I can’t wait until the day when I re-join you up in Heaven with our Lord.
So, I’m going to be going on a retreat (Kairos) for the next four days. Over that time period I shall not be allowed to use my phone. This is such a bummer. This means: I won’t be able to talk to my lovely girlfriend. I won’t be able to send her “good morning” texts like I always do. I won’t be able to ask her how her day is going or be there for her if she’s sad. All of this makes me pretty sad. I was talking to my friend, Rob, about that today & he said that he’s bummed about it too. He & his girlfriend will have their 18th month anniversary this Wednesday. Side note: Hats off to them. He’s a great dude, amazing athlete & an even smarter man. I wish the best to them & to their relationship. Anyways, back to my story, I was talking to my baby tonight & I just kept thinking about how I won’t be able to talk to her for three days. I don’t know how I’ll be able to survive that… I’m not used to not talking to her. We’ve been best friends for five years already & we’ve always never not talked. (If you can follow along with that). So, being the greatest boyfriend ever & having her on my mind 24/7/365, I decided earlier on before I left my house today that I was going to bring her flowers after I was done with my Kairos meeting at school. Because my school is about a forty minute drive away & her house is about a thirty minute drive away in the same direction, I thought that it would be in my best interest to drop off flowers at her house since I’d be close anyways. It took me like twenty minutes to get flowers for her because the stupid ShopRite didn’t have anyone managing the floral department & I had to wait mad long just to get her flowers wrapped up. Not to mention that it took me mad long to actually find her house because I was coming from a totally different place than I’m used to. I had to look up the directions on my phone & use the GPS so that I could assure myself that I wouldn’t get lost. I went through the most sketchy road ever, but I made it out alive. I was relieved once I saw familiar surroundings & then I knew that it was time to call her. Moments earlier, I had asked her what she was doing & her the same to me. I told her that I just left my school & that I was on my way home; her home, that is. *Nothing creepy here…* As I approached the driveway, I told her that I was making a quick pit stop & that I was going up some stairs. Little did she know that it was the stairs leading to her doorstep. Once she finally asked where I was or what I was doing, I told her to check outside her door to find out. There, I placed the bouquet of peach flowers. I was already a flight down the stairs when I interjected, “I love you !” to the woman of my dreams. I heard her cute little laugh as a response as she told me to come back up the stairs. She was dressed up so cute with her gigantic Giants sweatshirt over her. Welcoming me with a smile, hug & a kiss was what I was expecting & happy that I received :) She’s really the cutest thing. Her smile seemed so exuberant & from the look that was frozen in her eyes, I could tell that she liked the little surprise. Honestly, I’m just glad I got to see her. I’d do anything to make this woman happy. Literally. Anything. Unfortunately, I could only stay a couple of more seconds before I had to leave & go home. But, I will say, that those little moments before I left were very meaningful to me. I love having someone tell you that they love you first. It shows initiative & that person is putting their all out there, full-knowing that the other person can just shut them down. That shows courage. And, I love kissing my girlfriend. Teehee. I’m happy that I got to see her before I left on my retreat for four days. We’ve been having little arguments here & there, but we’re always getting through them together. Like they say in Marley & Me, “Mend not end.” And that is something that we both strongly believe in. I love you, babygirl. Like a lot, a lot <3
Yesterday, February 10, 2012, was the date that The Vow came out in theaters. It was also the date that Star Wars I: The Phantom Menace came out too. Throughout the entire week before, I was telling my girlfriend how we were going to see Star Wars. As any girl can imagine, she was less than pleased. She kept on bugging me to see The Vow & that was my plan in the first place. Time after time, repeatedly I’d tell her we weren’t going to see it & that “if you love me, than you’ll come see my movie with me.” Even though she said yes to that, I still knew that we were never going to see it together because she deserves to be able to watch a chick-flick with her boyfriend. So as we approached the ticket booth, I asked for two tickets to see The Vow. Once she laid her eyes upon the tickets, she realized they weren’t to see some Sci-Fi movie with lightsabers, The Force, native people from Tatooine, or R2-D2. Her eyes light up as she grasped my arm telling me, “No, babe, we can see Star Wars. It’s fine.” But deep down inside, I knew it was all a lie. Her face began to glow as we stepped into the theatre even though her & I both knew that it was going to be packed. Finding our seats, I don’t think she really noticed how amazing she looked as such a simple gesture of throwing her hair behind her shoulders made her radiate beauty. Only taking up about five seconds, she turned to me, smiled, produced a small laugh & then proceeded to get comfortable in her chair. Within those seconds, I’m pretty sure my heart dropped. It had occurred to me then how happy she was that we didn’t go see Star Wars & with that effortless smile of hers, it made my heart melt because I knew that she was truly happy & enjoying the moment. The movie began to play & we began to hold hands while watching the story unfold before our eyes. Moments in the film started to make both of us empathize with the characters & numerous times I found myself looking down at my baby & thinking if I could ever live my life without her. (If you haven’t seen the movie I don’t want to ruin any parts of it, so I’ll try not to speak about it too much) There were times where he’d act normally & she’d just deny him. These little moments crushed me because I know that I’d be devastated if that happened to me. This movie really made me appreciate what I have & who I was holding. The love of my life & I were again watching a movie that made us both emotional. I can’t begin to describe the feelings that I felt as I was watching this movie & looking at my baby. She was enjoying it just as much as I was. It’s the greatest sight to see; the one you love smiling back at you. Such a small gesture means so much, so comprehensible that it spoke the loveliest words that my ears have ever heard, so incredibly sexy that I’d never want her beautiful face to frown. And I promise that I will never hurt her.
I love you with all my heart, babygirl. I’m so blessed to have you in my life. I’ll love you forever & ever. This was my promise to you on August 3rd, 2011. I plan to keep that promise for as long as I still breathe. @jessicabarreto