I hate this feeling. This is my third week in college & I’m starting to realize how important it is to manage your time wisely. All of these reading assignments just pile up one after the other. Not to mention the papers that seem to be coming up fast. I can’t believe how much work they actually assign & how much I think I can get done in three hours. That’s a big lie. You know they’re right, you can’t finish all of your homework the night before it’s due. This isn’t high school anymore & frankly, I don’t think I’m used to it just yet. It sucks trying to balance out everything. I am horrible at balancing out my schedule. Trying to maintain my grades during classes, getting involved in my new school, hanging out with friends, keeping my body in good shape, talking constantly with my girlfriend & my parents, & still keeping an open mind to what this school has to offer seems like a lot to me. Maybe it’s not & maybe I’m just overreacting. But what if I’m not ? What if I’m just packing my schedule too much ? That sure does suck.
I hate this feeling I feel like a complete loser. I am terribly overwhelmed with all of the work that I have to do & feel like I don’t have the intellectual ability to do so. I fail to manage my time wisely & it makes me feel so stupid that I beat myself up over it due to the fact that it makes all my work pile on top of each other. Yes, I always want to go to the gym to lift or play basketball because I’m an athletic guy & love to be active, but I realized that I just can’t. I would love to be active in my school & stand out as one of the leaders, but is it right for me ? Will I be able to handle all of that extra work ? I’m not sure, but I’m starting to doubt that I can. I enjoy above all of those other things talking to my girlfriend. She’s the one that helps me relax & puts a smile on my face even after I think about all of these things in my head. But nowadays I feel like I’ve just been stressing her out because I’m not always there to talk to her when she wants. Does this make me a bad boyfriend ? Because that’s how I feel. I barely speak to my mom too. I feel like she’s mad at me because we only talk for like ten minutes per day & I know I should give her more than that.
I just can’t deal with all of this anymore. I need the Lord to help me. I’ve been reading my devos & praying every night but I’m just running out of energy. I look fine on the outside but this is me screaming from the inside. I love my school & all of my friends, but I just can’t be happy with how my all-around life is going right now. I’m not giving up. I’m going to make better study habits, become a better person all around, & survive this. I am going to do better. I’m going to help myself in every possible way I can instead of just asking God to turn my life around without even attempting to change first. I do trust in Him with all my heart, but if I’m able to help myself out, I will.
-P. Mazo
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